Jesus said come ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest. I can not try to explain all that has happen to you and give you a reason as to why. I can tell you that Jesus has the answers and If you come to him by allowing him to be your Lord and savior he can deliver you from your past. The past being all that was done wrong to you and the mistakes you have made. Please do not think I am saying that what happened to you is because of wrongs you have done. What has happened to you was the cause of Satan, he wants to see you hurt and in pain. But Jesus can be your help if you let him. Read Roman 10: 9-10 in the Bible. God really cares and has a plan for your life.